很久都没写了。。。各位朋友对不起让你们就等，担心。

我知道很多人觉得我任性。我一直都很注重爱情，但并不代表我不会用脑去想， 才作决定。

我决定的事，我这次是很坚定，可能会让很多我爱的人不高兴，但我这样做可能你们会说很自私，但以后的开心，幸福，都是我自己的。 人生这条路是我自己选的， 自己要走的。

是， 他曾经让我非常地伤心， 但我相信他。。。他有悔改，答应我给我幸福。 我要的不是钱，不是钱可以买到的东西。 我从来都不贪无虚荣， 我要的只是一个幸福的家。我不觉得会辛苦， 就算辛苦也应该很值得。 他给我的承诺我知道现在他会珍惜我，他经历过那么多，我相信他已经没有抱着玩的心态了。 我也已经不想玩了。 

毛明朗， 我们要永远在一起，过日子，创造我们自己的幸福。 我爱你！ 等我回来啊老公！ 要乖乖地等我。。。

Reading that last entry... I realised I have been pretty cynical towards men
Stopped trusting them, believing in them and started to lose faith in finding "THE ONE"

Now that I have found Mr. Right... I am at a loss for words.
Each day I am happier than the last, I feel I can do anything I want
That all my dreams have come true n will continue to come true
Although there are still some things left to be sorted out...
For some reason I feel I have the courage and strength to overcome any obstacle...
Is this the Power of LOVE?

It's funny that sometimes the person u fall in love with, and see urself spending the rest of ur life with... May have already appeared in ur life...Somewhere along the road, an acquaintance, an old friend... u never know what fate has in store for u.  I believe in fate... I believe, had I not made the decisions I had and had certain things not have happened to either of us, we would not be sharing the road ahead now. 

Somehow fate brought us to the same crossroad... to yet again intersect... to come across each other again.  Which road we take from now on... whether together or apart...It is a strange phenomenon that makes me think... why was I brought to this point?  What does life have in store for me in the future?  It makes me scared, yet also very excited... All I know is I now have someone I can share forever with... and for whatever has happened in my past and for everyone that has touched my life and brought me to where I am now, I am grateful... For I have found myself... and I know where I belong.  I love life, love u all my dear friends... but above all... I love Maomao... my fairytale happily ever after ending has come true.  :)  THE END.

Rant... just for filing...

Why are the guys I meet recently all dickheads!? I need to go somewhere...anywhere...

Happened to receive a damn sms that made my day peak for like an hour
Then just b4 I got home... one sms was all it took to kill my mood.
Rollercoaster? hmm... can't I just go on the carousel? but nah that just goes round n round...
Maybe a long water slide...? Or a bloody footbridge so i can just get over it...
This fun park really was no fun at all... lol tokyo disneyland was crap... maybe i need to go to hk's new one~?
My god why do i make myself so miserable... i know i do this to myself...
Just so that the HIGHS are so much so much better...  when there are any...
I create drama in my own life... make myself take rollercoasters over n over until i feel sick...
urghhhhh someone kill me! 
I just wanna drag race down a straight road that goes on 4ever...w/one person by my side...
IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK!?
 
I can't wait to get outta melbourne...omg... 
To a certain somebody that probably won't read this: 
Spare me the f-ing details...
I don't need to know, don't want to know and quite frankly I'm glad I don't know u well at all
Y try to come across as a loyal friend, decent, nice guy... u n ur corny lines...urgh...
U've just been one realli big head fuck that I don't need.
I should've listened to my friends...
but yeah i didn't, but at least now i kno where ur comin' from, I can get on with my life~

I guess I should be GRATEFUL that u told me...? (Not like AC...)
I even thought about buying u stuff in SH... isn't that sad?  All b'cos u once told me u wanted bling.
I remember too much... now just gotta let it go... Don't even know why i bothered spending all that time
chatting to someone that has so much growing up to do... friggin' nearly 30, get ur shit together mate.
That's me telling u as a friend... OMG... I don't know how or why u've worked me up so...
But I don't tell ppl what to do unless I care about them... :( And I did start to realli care for u...
My own fault realli... not urs at all... u just ain't ever gonna meet ne1 like me again...
i would've made u so happi...oh well
it's just too bad u don't see me as a friend...
Or maybe that's the problem... that's all u ever saw me as... sayounara...genki de ne~
 
Yeah yeah, y beat myself up over someone obviously not worth it...  but everyone i kno that says that
doesn't know him like I do... the conversations we had were REAL to me... he was REAL...
he had a choice to be realli fake to me... or worse... completely have no regard for me...
he didn't have to tell me anything that was true...
but he was honest...(to an extent) n we had some good times...
Or were they just corny lines, or out of politeness? I have no idea...
He needn't have bothered trying... he didn't have to ever see me after the first time...
So what exactly happened??? What did I DO!? Or is it who I am... or what i am... :(
Don't give me the whole it's not u it's me~
 
But he did make a sort-of effort...
Hrm...so then what exactly am I upset about again?
That I've just told a nice guy to f-off?
That maybe he might be worth waiting for?
Omg i'm so screwed up~ Wtf is wrong wif me!?
He's not a nice guy, he's not a nice guy, he's not a nice guy...
right, convinced my brain... now just need to convince my heart... ><
 
I beat myself up, make myself miserable for days...screw my head up, can't sleep...
n for what???  He ain't a good guy... he even told me himself... he's bad news...
Did I just get played? Or did I play myself...
For a long time, I hadn't given anyone a chance... I was scared to...
But I admit it, to myself, to him, to everyone... I liked him. I realli realli liked him...
But I can't make someone like me back... I know it doesn't work that way
So I give up... I gave him a chance... I gave myself a chance... n now it's gone.
Before him, after him, during... I met other ppl... but no other even made me think
I knocked back M n R n D...didn't allow myself 2 like any1...so y him???
No one made me feel like this... I didn't even care... but he was different...
I began to really care about him... craved to know more about him...
I wanted to understand him... n wanted him to understand me... *sigh*
 
bah... keep trying to tell myself it's his loss n all that... he's not worth it etc...I've had enough....
That's the last time I lower my standards for anyone... I need to stick to what I want...Need to keep being fussy~
N's right... he didn't even meet half of 'em...haha  I let myself block out the flaws and qualities he lacked
I wanted to like him... I wanted to see him as perfect... i even defended him... n yet for what?
 
y'all ain't gonna find anyone like me~
y'all take me for granted 4 long enuff!
I'm a kind, caring person n a lot of fun...
plz no more mind games...i'm done.
 
I'm going to do what it takes in MY Pursuit of HappYness...
I will get what i want n where I want to be happi... however...
Without being miserable, we don't know how to experience true happiness...
But I want happiness... i don't want to be miserable...
TO do that...if that is gonna mean 4gettin an insignificant person, someone who was only in my life for a short period of time...
i will do it... i will say goodbye...aza aza~
I'm walking away n letting it go.  Case shut. # deleted... HDD formatted all files erased~

-the end-

OMG so long haven't updated... from my SPACE

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